


smiley faces

by sonderau



Category: DPR LIVE (Musician), Khiphop
Genre: and obvi the whole album it’s art, and the behind video yk, fr fr there isn’t really anything happening just dabin thinking and christian saving his mind, his interview gave me inspiration, i lied they just friends in here, pls it’s 4am i should go to sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonderau/pseuds/sonderau
Summary: hong dabin has his own way of how to deal with stress and work. but sometimes he can’t do it all by himself.
Relationships: Hong Dabin | DPR Live/Yu Barom | Rome
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	smiley faces

_ dabin had always preferred the night over the day.  _

_sun shining on your skin couldn’t beat hours on the roof, staring at nothing in particular while calm soundcloud melodies gave a sweet taste to the rain, slowly running down your neck._

_ dabin was a dreamer, he had always been. _

_ skipping classes and hiding on the school’s attic to finish his book or to write down thoughts in poems that had been stuck in his head all the way there had caused him a lot of d grades. _

_ even today, it wasn’t much different from that, only the poems had changed to song lyrics over the time.  _

_ but again, he hid for hours, sitting on the ground, laying on the ground, rolling over the ground, letting his mind flow and flip and move.  _

_ the plant looked so good in this light. _

_ the way even wood would glitter in the sun. _

_ observing his hand, forming a fist and turning it. no reasons, just..emotions. _

_guam was to dream._

_water couldn’t be more blue, stones couldn’t be more tight, plants couldn’t be more lively at any other place of the world. and dabin would never feel the same in korea. he missed the warmth of his hometown, and the sticky rain. he missed green and green and so much green, and palms. sometimes he googled them because he was afraid he had forgotten what they’d look like. the way they would feel under the cups of his fingers, so soft but coarse, so full of color._

_in korea, there was a lot of grey. the emotions were cut. korea didn’t really know how to live up, only the fewest had tried._

_but dabin couldn’t stop trying. he couldn’t stop looking up to the sky, searching for figures in the clouds. and he smiled whenever he saw a grey cat, or just a grey potato that needed some shaving._

_still he knew, he would only find back to guam for vacation. it was his home but it wasn’t where he belonged to. he had been the alien, the only asian kid in a class full of americans, all of them growing over his height at the age of puberty hitting. dabin had hated being different because it meant he had to dream alone. people would shrug him off, laugh him off, call him pathetic, give him those amused smiles you would give a puppy that had done something stupid but it was fine because it was a puppy and it didn’t know better._

_when dabin had been small, it had made him hate the colors of guam. they were too sensitive, too judgy. he had loved the night for its dullness. green had faded, blue had faded, and darkness didn’t make a difference between the nuances of skin color that made dabin different from his classmates._

_ shadows could have such weird forms, they would create figures, just like clouds.  _

_ and dabin always saw them. the smiley faces in two stones highlighted by a palm leave, the grimaces formed by different vehicles with the way their front lights were built. dabin couldn’t stop smiling back.  _

__but the night had also_ caught him in its cold hug when he had lost his root. the person that had made him see in the dark, that had made him watch his fingers move and the shadows dance. his dad had been a person who always left him with a smile.  _

_ sometimes, when he couldn’t live with how the past had left him again, the dark showed him that even the moments of pain and tears were to love and enjoy. it created the full art of existence and it was just so complicated that dabin couldn’t talk down on it. perhaps it just was something he wouldnt understand. just like how the salt made it into his tears when he cried. people who would understand a bit more about science and physics of a human body would be able to explain it to him in detail how tears would be salty even though he barely ate any salt.  _

_but dabin once had realized, that life wasn’t onlyabout knowing a lot of things, it was about asking about them. the curiosity, the way your brain starts to search for ways to explain when you’re just lacking in information. wasn’t it dull to know an answer? why would an answer even be important if you didn’t come to a conclusion yourself? all the important things in life couldn’t be answered anyway._

_sometimes,_ _dabin just felt chaos. the way his mind jumped and turned head over heels made him feel like it was broken, unable to stay focused but just zooming out into other spares. at school, it had caused him a lot of problems. for years he had been sure that he must be stupid, not able to finish one task because he just couldn’t stick his mind to it. was being smart not more than that? being in control over one’s mind?_

_no, it was about finding your own way to meet your own standards. no competition, no way you would look at how others might do the same. that wasn’t important, it just didn’t matter. everything that mattered was you, finding a condition of yourself you could accept. but learning this had taken the longest time._

_obviously, within dabin’s lively personality he had to love colors. but even more, he loved the dark and its moon. the moon adding this milky filter that gave all the magic to the world. the moon and its magic was dabin’s hidden side. the attic side, the cloud side and the smiley face side. the side that made him stare at some wooden desk for ages just to analyze its texture. the side that made him vulnerable and small. not only small, tiny even. tiny and so insignificant. like an ant would feel between really huge_ _shoes._

_but dabin loved this just as much as he loved the sun shining on his face, making his hair glimmer and his eyes sparkle._

all by sudden, the door opens. 

dark eyes stare down to the little rapper on the ground.

“what..are you doing there?”

dabin turns around, facing the wall. christian shouldn’t behave as if it was something new the way dabin is behaving. 

his friend can’t help chuckling at his ignorance.

“you need help over here?”

now dabin sits up.

“you destroyed my train of thoughts.. i was about to find THE lyrics. i tell you, it would have been a BOP!” he frowns.

a guilty expression appears on the older man’s face while he walks over and sits down next to dabin.

“i’ve bought you juice” he hands over a little bottle of orange juice which dabin takes without complaining. that’s kinda cute.

“i’ll go again in a minute but.. i don’t know there’s something i wanted to talk to you about..” christian looks at him with serious eyes, making the younger man raise his eyebrows in confusion. he barely sees such expression in his friends face. usually, there’s this..hint of a smile in the corner of his lips. 

it bothers dabin a little that he can’t spot it now.

“sure what is it?”

christian is nobody who would curve around an important topic for long. he shoots the issues right away. “i’ve noticed that you keep on distancing. of course, these sessions of locking yourself here and laying on the ground ain’t something new.. but i’m talking about all your nightly walks and those short answers.. you leave us without a word these days and there’s no way to approach you. the others been worrying as well..”

now it’s on dabin to feel a little guilty. the last weeks have been full of ups and downs, drama happening in his head and by their daily sessions, all the time they keep on seeing each other, it has become a little much. 

he ruffles his hair.

“i guess i’m just- exhausted.” he doesn’t really know how to explain. he ain’t aiming to hurt his friends but he can’t imagine that they would understand.

“yeah i can see that. we can postpone the release date if it’s-“ “no!” dabin instantly interrupts him. this is not an option. they have set a date and they will keep it. and only because it has been a little difficult for their rapper to keep track, he doesn’t wanna give them the feeling that their hard work won’t pay off in time. 

christian stays quiet while dabin’s brain keeps working on what he could answer.

but eventually, he just looks over to his friend with helpless eyes. he bites his lips, hoping chris can somehow..read from his expression what he can’t put into words.

after some time, christian breaks their eye contact, turning his head and staring at the window and the clouds passing by. and all by sudden dabin notices the little smile in the corner of the older man’s lips again. 

“y’know what? let’s leave this place for a while.” 

“what?” dabin blinks in confusion. 

“i mean like- woah for real, the walls are coming closer day by day and i feel like the roof might fall down on us in a minute! i also cant see these rooms anymore, dabin. so let’s just- go.”

the younger rapper still can’t understand what his friend is trying to say. did he forget that they have an album to finish..? 

“but..work?” he just mentions briefly, his eyebrows clinching together.

“we can just carry it along. we take our things and leave. to the sea.. let’s go see the sea!” 

dabin blinks. his mind still can’t..take a grip on christian’s vision. the sea..?

“dabin! ya, i’m serious! we will just move for some weeks.. for inspiration and to change scenery for a while! i’ll go tell the others! and you go home and pack some things. i’ll arrange stuff so we can leave in a few hours!” saying this, christian jumps up again, leaving dabin on the ground when storming out of the room. dabin just looks after him, still not really sure of what has just happened.

for some minutes he keeps on sitting there, staring at the door.

and then, he suddenly starts smiling.

seems like christian has read from his eyes what he wasn’t able to express in words.

he has understood.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in the shortest time, i cant believe i’m still kinda proud of it,,  
>  they are doing their live stream later today and i missed them so i couldn’t stop myself from uploaded it now.
> 
> also, changing the time in between is a risky thing so i hope it didn’t destroy the mood,,


End file.
